THE SIMPLICITY & DIFFICULTY OF MARRIAGE|How To Make Your Spouse Happy Without Doing Anything For Them

10 Nov THE SIMPLICITY & DIFFICULTY OF MARRIAGE|How To Make Your Spouse Happy Without Doing Anything For Them

Naive couples in courtship imagine a life of bliss in marriage. Most of what they see is what their lover will give and do for them but rarely consider what they could do for their spouse.

The Bible gives two warnings about marriage.

The first is by the disciples who said it’s better not to marry after Jesus made it clear that divorce was out of the question except for marital unfaithfulness. (Matthew 19:10)

The second is by Apostle Paul who said that those who marry would face troubles and be less devoted to the service of God. (1 Corinthians 7) If couples took this to heart before walking down the aisle, perhaps many would think twice before making the vows.

Marriage is simple and beautiful because the initiator of marriage gave us the secret to a happy and flourishing marriage. The Bible says,

“Husbands love your wives and live with them in understanding. Wives submit to your husbands.” (Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:7)

Of course, both are to love and submit to each other but the emphasis here is that the greatest need of a man is respect or submission and that of a woman is love and affection.

What is love? What is submission?

Both come down to service. To love and to submit means meeting each other’s needs. It means sacrificing personal preferences, desires and comforts for the sake of the other. This kind of sacrificial service is what makes a spouse great and highly regarded before God. (Matthew 20:25–28) But why is this difficult for many couples?

Because they haven’t understood and allowed God’s love to transform them. God loved us and gave Christ. Then Christ loved us, served us and even died on the cross for us. That’s the example He set for us. Therefore, we love because He loved us. (1 John 4:19)

But our sinful nature hinders us from loving and submitting to God and others as we should. That’s why we need a new birth in Christ and total submission to His lordship. Then as we grow into maturity and likeness of Christ, we learn to love as Christ loved us. To say that we love God and yet mistreat or act in hateful and hurtful ways toward our spouse is proof of being a big fat liar, so says the Bible, not me. (1 John 4:20) That’s the difficulty of marriage.

It only becomes worthwhile and rewarding when we have a new nature controlled by the Spirit of God living in us. Without Christ, we can do nothing. (John 15:5)

How To Do Nothing For Your Spouse

As Christians, we should love and submit to each other without conditions, reservations or expectations. Why?

Because we’re not doing it for their sake or because they deserve it, which they may often not, but for the sake of Christ alone. (Colossians 3:23)

Have you ever heard a spouse say, “How can he or she do this to me after all I’ve done for him/her?”

Their mistake was doing things for their spouse, not for Christ.

Even when a spouse is not doing their part, one can keep doing their part and trust God to transform their spouse in His time and way. After all, we’ll stand before God individually and give an account of what we did. (Romans 14:12)

Consider the crazy things couples do to each other, like a wife withholding sex from the husband because of some reason or a husband refusing to provide or show affection to his wife as a punishment. This is sad and foolish and will be a great embarrassment on Judgement Day.

How To Make Your Spouse Happy

So now, how best can husbands love and wives submit?

By asking.

Husband, ask your wife the top three ways you can demonstrate your love for her and talk about ways to make it happen and start loving ASAP. Wife, ask your husband the top three ways you can demonstrate submission to him and talk about ways you can make it happen and start submitting ASAP. This will quickly change the atmosphere and direction of your marriage!

Many times, couples wear themselves out trying to please each other in ways that mean nothing to the other. For instance, a man can labour to buy flowers and chocolates for his wife yet all she wants is conversation when he gets home. Rather than guess, ask them and meet their need.

My aim in marriage is to do nothing for Damalie and our daughters. I’ll serve and do everything possible for them as unto Christ. One day I desire to hear God say, “Well done my son. You loved your wife and children well.”

Israel Hirwa

Hirwa G. Israel is a child of God, married to Damalie and blessed with two girls. His life assignment is to teach and disciple Christians to maturity, and to equip and coach leaders to accomplish God’s purpose in their generation. He serves as the CEO of The Hud Group Uganda and team leader of Pass On Leadership Africa.

www.passonleadershipafrica.org